Sirach 4:11–6:17

The second major part of the book begins with a second poem praising Wisdom. In chapter 1, she was introduced in her cosmic grandeur as the first of God’s creation (1:1–10). Here, she is personified as a mother who loves her children, exercising “tough love” and disciplining them so that they may grow into wise adults, able to serve God and ready to receive his blessings (4:11–19). Following this poem, Ben Sira turns to practical advice, demonstrating how Wisdom instructs her children. This begins with a treatment of shame, along with a reflection on the appropriate time to speak and the importance of always telling the truth (4:20–31). Ben Sira then turns to a series of warnings against presumption, duplicitous speech, and unruly passions (5:1–6:4), followed by the first of several speeches on friendship (6:5–17).

¹¹Wisdom breathes life into her sons
and gives help to those who seek her.
¹²Whoever loves her loves life,
and those who seek her early
will win the Lord’s good favor.
¹³Whoever holds her fast will obtain glory,
and the Lord will bless the place she enters.
¹⁴Those who serve her will minister to the Holy One;
the Lord loves those who love her.

¹⁵He who obeys her will judge the nations,
and whoever gives heed to her will dwell secure.
¹⁶If he has faith in her he will obtain her;
and his descendants will remain in possession of her.
¹⁷For she will walk with him in disguise,
and at first she will put him to the test;
she will bring fear and cowardice upon him,
and will torment him by her discipline
until he holds her in his thoughts,
and she trusts him.
¹⁸Then she will come straight back to him and strengthen him,
she will gladden him and will reveal her secrets to him,
and store up for him knowledge
and the discernment of what is right.
¹⁹But if he goes astray she will forsake him,
and give him over into the hands of his foe.

OT: Prov 3:11–18; Wis 8:16–17

NT: Matt 7:13–14; 16:24; Heb 12:5–11

Catechism: wisdom as gift of the Holy Spirit, 1831; self-mortification, 1734, 1804, 2015

[4:11–12]

Wisdom breathes life into her sons follows the †Vulgate, alluding to God’s creation of man (Gen 2:7) and portraying Wisdom as “a breath of the power of God” (Wis 7:25–26). It is more evocative than the Greek (“Wisdom exalts her sons,” ESV-CE) or Hebrew (“Wisdom teaches her sons”; compare NRSV, NABRE). All versions portray Wisdom as a loving yet demanding mother who gives life to her children and raises them to spiritual maturity by teaching them the right way to live. Wisdom is often depicted as a source of life in other books (Prov 3:16–18; 8:35; Wis 8:16–17). Her relational aspect shines through in the affirmation that whoever loves her loves life. Pursuing Wisdom is much more than acquiring knowledge or acting in a certain way to attain worldly success. It is primarily a matter of the heart. While elsewhere the love for Wisdom is described as spousal (Prov 8:17), here it is compared to the love of a child for its mother. Those who are disciplined enough to seek her early in the morning—presumably through prayer and study—are promised that they will win the Lord’s good favor (Latin) or “will be filled with joy” (Greek, ESV-CE).

[4:13–14]

Whoever holds her fast, as a child holds fast to its mother, will obtain glory and honor from God, and the Lord will bless the place where Wisdom enters (Hebrew: “they shall abide in the blessing of the Lord,” NABRE). The pursuit of Wisdom requires discipline; it involves serving her with devotion and diligence. While this is a demanding task, it carries benefits and rewards: Those who serve her are promised that they will minister (literally, “perform a liturgical ministry”) to the Holy One. Serving Wisdom is viewed as an act of worshiping God. Because he is honored by those who devotedly serve Wisdom, the Lord loves those who love her.

[4:15–16]

He who obeys Wisdom by diligently following her teachings will judge the nations: this suggests that the one who is wise will be able to lead others and rule over them (Wis 3:8; 1 Cor 6:2; Rev 3:21). He will also dwell secure, living in confidence, or in Wisdom’s “innermost chambers” (Hebrew, NABRE). The reader is exhorted to have faith in Wisdom: by remaining faithful to her and entrusting himself to her, he will obtain her, or more literally “inherit her.” The idea that a person can communicate wisdom to his descendants so that they may also remain in possession of her points to an ancient Jewish view of family catechesis, where wisdom (like other virtues) is passed on from parents to children, from generation to generation.

[4:17]

The pursuit of Wisdom is difficult, especially in the beginning. At first, she is not particularly attractive; indeed, she is hard to recognize, for she walks with the disciple in disguise (Hebrew, Latin) or “on tortuous paths” (Greek, ESV-CE, NRSV), putting him to the test through rigorous discipline and severe trials. Wisdom’s training may resemble that of a tough drill sergeant more than that of a tender mother. It is so severe that it can bring fear and cowardice upon the student and torment him by her discipline, tempting him to give up. Yet if he is strong and holds her steadfastly in his thoughts while persevering through the trials, he will prove himself worthy and in this way will gain her trust. The idea that wisdom is acquired through discipline is a common theme not only in the wisdom books (Prov 3:11–12; 12:1; 13:24; 29:17) but throughout the whole Bible.Deut 8:5; Job 5:17; Ps 94:12; 1 Cor 11:32; Heb 12:5–11.

[4:18–19]

Once the student has proven himself, Wisdom reveals her true colors. She removes her disguise and quickly returns to strengthen him, gladden him, reveal her secrets to him, and—the Vulgate adds—store up for him knowledge and the discernment of what is right. In other words, to acquire wisdom one must first acquire faithfulness and strength of character through testing. On the other hand, Wisdom will not pursue the one who fails the test and goes astray by wandering away from the path of her discipline, giving in to discouragement and losing faith. She not only will forsake him, leaving him to his own devices, but also will give him over into the hands of his foe (Latin) or “of his downfall” (Greek, ESV-CE). In short, the path of Wisdom, harsh and demanding at first, ultimately grants strength, joy, and life; while the path of foolishness, pleasant and easy at first, ultimately turns into weakness, distress, and death (Matt 7:13–14).

Wisdom’s way of relating to her disciples—at first hiding herself through harsh trials and only later revealing herself after they have proven the worthiness of their character—reveals an important principle about the spiritual life. Spiritual growth does not consist in first “figuring things out” and then changing one’s way of life accordingly. Obedience to the Lord’s word comes first; understanding of the truth follows—not vice versa. As Jesus says, “If you continue in my word, you are truly my disciples, and you will know the truth, and the truth will make you free” (John 8:31–32). Jesus’s words “you are my friends if you do what I command you” (John 15:14) echo those of Lady Wisdom.
The spiritual life alternates between times of desolation—periods of aridity and trials when God seems distant—and times of consolation when the Lord manifests his presence through increased love and joy. While times of desolation are difficult, they are indispensable for our spiritual growth, for they provide us with unique opportunities to exercise patience and perseverance. By remaining faithful to God in the midst of trials, we demonstrate our faithfulness to him and show ourselves to be worthy of wisdom.

²⁰Observe the right time, and beware of evil;
and do not bring shame on yourself.
²¹For there is a shame which brings sin,
and there is a shame which is glory and favor.
²²Do not show partiality, to your own harm,
or deference, to your downfall.
²³Do not refrain from speaking at the crucial time,
and do not hide your wisdom.
²⁴For wisdom is known through speech,
and education through the words of the tongue.
²⁵Never speak against the truth,
but be mindful of your ignorance.
²⁶Do not be ashamed to confess your sins,
and do not try to stop the current of a river.
²⁷Do not subject yourself to a foolish fellow,
nor show partiality to a ruler.
²⁸Strive even to death for the truth
and the Lord God will fight for you.

²⁹Do not be reckless in your speech,
or sluggish and remiss in your deeds.
³⁰Do not be like a lion in your home,

nor be a faultfinder with your servants.
³¹Let not your hand be extended to receive,
but withdrawn when it is time to repay.

OT: Gen 2:25; 3:7; Exod 20:16; Pss 51:6; 119:160
NT: Matt 5:33–37; John 8:32; 14:6; 17:17–19; 2 Thess 2:9–13
Catechism: not bearing false witness, 2464–513

[4:20]

Wisdom—or the lack thereof—is revealed through speech. What we say, when we say it, and how we say it reveals much about who we are. Ben Sira explains the connections between wisdom, speech, sin, and shame. First, observe the right time, and be aware of your circumstances before speaking. There is “a time to keep silence, and a time to speak” (Eccles 3:7). One must beware of evil—likely a caution against doing evil more than against evil persons—because it is by sinning that one brings shame on oneself, for shame is a consequence of sin (Gen 2:25; 3:7). While it can denote a personal sense of guilt before God, shame is often associated with damage to one’s public reputation manifesting as disgrace, dishonor, or social rejection (Pss 31:17; 35:26).

[4:21]

Still, Ben Sira does not see shame as an absolute evil but makes a distinction between “bad shame” and “good shame.” “Bad shame” is shame which brings sin. Indeed, sin and shame are often caught in a vicious circle: not only does sin cause shame, but a deep sense of shame can drive a person into a spiral of despair, blocking the path to repentance and leading to more sin. “Bad shame” could also refer to being ashamed of practicing one’s faith, speaking the truth, or standing for what is right. Yet there is also a shame which is glory and favor: this “good shame” could refer to being ashamed of committing sins—a posture rooted in the fear of the Lord that leads to repentance and conversion (4:26). Put simply, “bad shame” is to be ashamed of what is good and true; “good shame” is to be ashamed of what is evil and false. Thus, we call “shameless” a person who lacks “good shame” and is not ashamed of committing evil (41:14–42:8).

[4:22]

The injunction to not show partiality or favoritism implies that this is also a shameful act, a sin against truth. God is an impartial judge (Sir 35:16; Deut 10:17), and he calls his people to exercise the same fairness (Lev 19:15; Ps 82:2; Prov 18:5; Sir 42:1). Favoritism causes harm, not only to the person discriminated against, but even more so to the one guilty of showing unjust deference, for this will ultimately lead to his downfall.

[4:23–24]

Silence is golden—but not always. In certain situations, the wise should not refrain from speaking, especially at the crucial time when their wisdom is needed—whether or not it is welcome. The wise must not hide their wisdom out of false modesty, for God has given them wisdom to help and edify others. The wise, therefore, must speak out at the opportune time to instruct, counsel, exhort, or admonish, always in defense of justice and truth (4:9; Prov 15:23; 2 Tim 4:2). For wisdom is known through speech, or “in word” (Greek logos). Acting rightly is not enough: for wisdom to be shared with others, it must be communicated through human language. All education—or “discipline” (Greek paideia)—is passed on from teacher to student through the words of the tongue.

[4:25]

Never speak against the truth—for falsehood is incompatible with both wisdom and God, who is truth (Ps 119:160; John 14:6). Accordingly, walking in truth is essential to remaining in God’s presence and serving wisdom (Ps 15:1–2); but be mindful of your ignorance so as not to speak rashly, lest your words later prove false. The wise, who fear the Lord, have the humility to recognize that their knowledge is always limited.

[4:26]

Do not be ashamed to confess your sins or, following the Hebrew, “repent of iniquity” (Lev 5:5; Num 5:7). Being ashamed to confess one’s sins is a form of “bad shame” (4:21). Far from humility, this reluctance reveals a combination of pride and despair—two of the gravest sins that block the way to reconciliation with God. By contrast, the wise humbly and promptly confess their sins. The metaphorical injunction to not try to stop the current of a river may suggest that trying to conceal one’s sins from God is as futile as attempting to stop a river’s current.

[4:27–28]

The wise person is humble but not a doormat. Ben Sira exhorts him, Do not subject yourself or “prostrate your soul” (Hebrew) to a foolish fellow. He should neither allow fools to dominate him nor show partiality to a ruler by giving preferential treatment to people of authority (James 2:1). Ben Sira advocates for truth-telling in the strongest terms: the wise man should strive even to death for the truth. This is the witness of the martyrs, who are willing to give their lives for truth. For Ben Sira’s contemporaries, this meant defending the Jewish faith despite the increasing pressure of Hellenization. Many Jews would soon face martyrdom under the persecution of Antiochus Epiphanes (2 Macc 6:18–7:42), leading to the Maccabean revolt against the Greeks. Yet even in such dire situations Ben Sira encourages his readers not to be afraid, for if they fight for truth, the Lord God will fight for them (see Exod 14:14).

[4:29–30]

If the wise person is often obligated to speak (4:23–24), he must not be reckless or boastful in his speech, speaking rashly while being sluggish or negligent in his deeds. It is better to be slow to speak and quick to act. Actions speak louder than words (James 1:19–25). Continuing on the topic of speech, Ben Sira addresses the domineering personality who roars like a lion at his wife and children at home and is a faultfinder, suspicious of his servants, quick to criticize and oppress them. Such behavior contradicts the meekness required of the wise person (3:17–20).

[4:31] This verse, addressing avarice and greed, serves as a fitting transition to the next section on presumption and arrogance. It warns the reader against extending a hand to receive money or other benefits only to withdraw it when it is time to repay. Avarice goes hand in hand with foolishness, while generosity is a hallmark of the wise (4:1–10; Acts 20:35).

Ben Sira’s forceful exhortation “Never speak against the truth” (4:25) sounds countercultural in our age of postmodernism, relativism, and “fake news,” when there is an acute skepticism regarding truth. Many still echo Pilate’s existential question, “What is truth?” (John 18:38). It is not necessary to write a philosophical treatise to answer this question. The best way to witness to truth is by living truthfully. Since God is truth, his people are called to live in the truth (Catechism 2465), showing themselves “true in deeds and truthful in words, and in guarding against duplicity, dissimulation, and hypocrisy” (Catechism 2468). Living truthfully is not optional, for as the †Decalogue stipulates, “You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor” (Exod 20:16). So-called white lies can easily lead to larger deceptions. If lies are not kept in check and renounced, the person who lies becomes a liar, and liars often start believing their own lies. A society permeated by lies can neither function nor survive. According to St. Paul, the defining mark of ungodliness and wickedness is suppressing truth about God and exchanging it for a lie (Rom 1:18, 25). The ultimate lie—denying God’s providence and relying solely on human wisdom—leads to debased passions and a debased mind, improper conduct, and ultimately death (Rom 1:26–32). It is all the more important for disciples of wisdom to regularly examine their consciences and ensure that they are living their lives in honesty, authenticity, and truth.

¹Do not set your heart on your wealth,
nor say, “I have enough.”
²Do not follow your inclination and strength,
walking according to the desires of your heart.
³Do not say, “Who will have power over me?”
or “Who will bring me down because of my deeds?”
for God will surely punish you.

⁴Do not say, “I sinned, and what happened to me?”
for the Most High is slow to anger.
⁵Do not be so confident of atonement
that you add sin to sin.
⁶Do not say, “His mercy is great,
he will forgive the multitude of my sins,”
for both mercy and wrath are with him,
and his anger rests on sinners.
⁷Do not delay to turn to the Lord,
nor postpone it from day to day;
for suddenly the wrath of the Lord will go forth,
and at the time of punishment you will perish.

⁸Do not depend on dishonest wealth,
for it will not benefit you in the day of calamity.
⁹Do not winnow with every wind,
nor follow every path:
the double-tongued sinner does that.
¹⁰Be steadfast in your understanding,
and let your speech be consistent.
¹¹Be quick to hear,
and be deliberate in answering.
¹²If you have understanding, answer your neighbor;
but if not, put your hand on your mouth.
¹³Glory and dishonor come from speaking,
and a man’s tongue is his downfall.

¹⁴Do not be called a slanderer,
and do not lie in ambush with your tongue;
for shame comes to the thief,

and severe condemnation to the double-tongued.
¹⁵In great or small matters do not act amiss,
and do not become an enemy instead of a friend;
^6:1for a bad name incurs shame and reproach:
so fares the double-tongued sinner.

²Do not exalt yourself through your soul’s counsel,
lest your soul be torn in pieces like a bull.
³You will devour your leaves and destroy your fruit,
and will be left like a withered tree.
⁴An evil soul will destroy him who has it,
and make him the laughingstock of his enemies.

OT: Prov 3:5–6; 12:18; 18:21

NT: Matt 12:37; James 1:19; 3:2–10

Catechism: presumption, 2091–92; offenses against truth, 2475–87; avarice, 2536

[5:1–2]

While continuing his warning against greed, Ben Sira now cautions against the sin of presumption with eight prohibitions (5:1–8). The connection between avarice and presumption is obvious: one who sets his heart on wealth is trying to achieve self-sufficiency and autonomy from God. By saying, “I have enough with my material goods,” the avaricious person implies, “I don’t need God or his provision.” It is no surprise that Scripture frequently warns against the love of money (Ps 52:7; Matt 6:24; Luke 12:15; 1 Tim 6:17). The thought of following your inclination (literally, “your soul”) and strength, walking according to the desires of your heart sounds like the advice of many a commencement speaker—yet Ben Sira rejects it. Following one’s “heart” without the guidance of wisdom and the other virtues is often nothing more than being driven by one’s passions and instincts—and a recipe for disaster. The †Torah explicitly warns “not to follow after your own heart and your own eyes, which you are inclined to go after wantonly” (Num 15:39; compare Prov 3:5–6).

[5:3–4]

Ben Sira asks two rhetorical questions: Who will have power over me? (i.e., “I am my own master”) and Who will bring me down because of my deeds? (†Vulgate) (i.e., “No one will tell me what to do”). These questions express the arrogance of those who think they are accountable to no one—not even to God. Yet God continues to reign even over the wicked and will surely punish them in due time (16:17–23). By saying, “I sinned, and what happened to me?” the presumptuous man assumes that he can commit transgressions with impunity and get away with it because God the Most High is slow to anger (Exod 34:6; Num 14:18) and will forgive him. Yet God will execute judgment upon all sinners (Eccles 8:11–13).

[5:5–6]

Jews were confident of obtaining atonement and forgiveness through the offering of blood sacrifices (Exod 30:10). Yet the offerings prescribed in Leviticus provided forgiveness only for sins committed unintentionally (Lev 4:2, 13, 22, 27; Num 15:22–29). There was no atonement for iniquities committed intentionally or “with a high hand”; the sinner had “reviled the LORD” and was to be “cut off from among his people” (Num 15:30–31). Thus, one who sins presumptuously adds sin to sin. To those who boast that God’s “mercy is great, he will forgive the multitude of my sins,” St. Paul might reply: “Are we to continue in sin that grace may abound? By no means!” (Rom 6:1–2). God reveals both his mercy and wrath, the former to the penitent and the latter to the impenitent, for his anger rests on sinners who continually transgress his law with impunity (Sir 16:11; Wis 11:9; Isa 60:10; Rom 2:4–5). Awareness of God’s mercy should lead us not to presumption but to repentance (Rom 2:4).

[5:7–8]

All the more should the sinner not delay to turn to the Lord in genuine repentance. No one should postpone repentance from day to day, for no one knows when the wrath of the Lord will be revealed. For presumptuous sinners, this will be not a time of mercy but a time of punishment when they will perish. In an †inclusio tying the end of this section with its beginning (5:1), Ben Sira returns to the topic of presumptuous reliance on money, warning in verse 8 that dishonest wealth will be of no use in the day of calamity—the “day of the Lord,” when his judgment is manifest (see Prov 10:2; 11:4; Ezek 7:19; Matt 6:19–21).

[5:9]

Ben Sira now turns to the question of prudence, integrity, and consistency in speech. He has a particular aversion toward those whose words are fickle or duplicitous. He warns the reader to not winnow with every wind: Farmers winnow grain by throwing it into a breeze that blows away the husks while the edible grain falls back to the ground. Winnowing with every changing wind would result in the husks falling back into the grain, undoing the work. Likewise, a person trying to follow every path will get nowhere, like the double-tongued sinner who tries to please everyone by speaking duplicitously: he scatters his words without purpose and cannot be trusted.

[5:10–11]

What we say reflects how we think. Therefore, the first step toward speaking with integrity is to be steadfast in your understanding and be a person of conviction, able to discern right from wrong. Let your speech be consistent (literally, “let your word be one”) and be reliable in what you say. Be quick to hear and attentive to what others say; be deliberate in answering (literally, “in patience utter an answer”), having the discipline not to answer rashly before thinking through what is the right thing to say (1:23–24; Prov 18:13; James 1:19).

Do Not Sin Presumptuously
Jewish tradition warns against the temptation to continue sinning while presumptuously relying on God’s mercy: “If a man said, ‘I will sin and repent, and sin again and repent,’ he will be given no chance to repent. [If he said,] ‘I will sin and the Day of Atonement will effect atonement,’ then the Day of Atonement effects no atonement.”Mishnah, Yoma 8:9, in Herbert Danby, trans., The Mishnah (Oxford: Oxford University Press, 1933), 172.
Christian tradition agrees. As one Church Father says, “We should repent soon because the more we delay our repentance, the more chance death has to lead us to damnation instead of salvation.”Fulgentius of Ruspe, On the Forgiveness of Sins 2.5, in Sever J. Voicu, ed., Apocrypha, ACCS:OT 15 (Downers Grove, IL: InterVarsity, 2010), 205. In the words of St. Paul, now is the day of salvation and the day to accept God’s grace (2 Cor 6:1–2), for “the day of the Lord will come like a thief in the night” (1 Thess 5:2).

[5:12–13]

When someone speaks, consider if you have understanding, genuine insight or wisdom to share, in which case it is right to answer your neighbor. Otherwise, it is best to put your hand on your mouth—an idiom meaning to remain silent out of respect for the speaker (Job 40:4; Prov 30:32; Mic 7:16). Several biblical authors warn about the power of the tongue to do good or evil (Prov 12:18; 18:21; Matt 12:37; James 3:2–10). The words we speak bring either glory or dishonor: they can build or destroy a reputation—either of the person spoken of or of the person speaking. Ben Sira seems to think especially of the latter when he adds that a man’s tongue is his downfall. Foolish, imprudent words spoken at the wrong time—especially in the age of social media—can permanently ruin a person’s reputation.

[5:14]

Ben Sira exhorts the reader to watch his words lest he develop the reputation of being a slanderer (Hebrew: a “two-faced” person). Malicious gossip, or speaking evil of others in their absence, is even worse than speaking carelessly. Ben Sira depicts this metaphorically as lying in ambush with your tongue like a predator waiting for the opportunity to attack a victim. By saying that shame comes to the thief, he seems to equate slander with “stealing” someone’s good reputation. This is a reprehensible action that brings severe condemnation to the double-tongued or deceitful person. By saying one thing with his mouth while thinking another in his heart, he proves himself to be unworthy of trust.

[5:15–6:1]

Given the power of words, one should be vigilant in both great or small matters to not act amiss—literally, “not remain ignorant” (Hebrew: “do no harm”). Duplicity creates antagonistic relationships with others so that one risks becoming an enemy instead of a friend. Once a person has tarnished his own reputation and made for himself a bad name, he can no longer be trusted and draws only shame and reproach.

[6:2]

The injunction to not exalt yourself through your soul’s counsel in the Greek text is obscure; perhaps it cautions the reader against rising up in pride or anger (or lust). The Hebrew, “Do not fall into the hand of your soul,” sounds like a warning against giving in to unruly passions (NRSV: “Do not fall into the grip of passion”). Those who get carried away by a hot temper or uncontrolled lust lose control of themselves. Ben Sira illustrates this vividly as the soul being torn in pieces by unruly passions like a bull that wreaks havoc around it.

[6:3–4]

Ben Sira develops the same point with a different metaphor of the soul as a tree. The person with raging passions will devour his own leaves and destroy his fruit, leaving the soul barren and fruitless like a withered tree, in contrast to the wise person who is like a tree that “yields its fruit in its season” (Ps 1:3). The person with an evil soul, who lacks self-mastery and is driven by his passions, tends to act erratically and foolishly. Such a person earns no respect but becomes the laughingstock of his enemies.

The Catechism explains that there are two kinds of presumption: “Either man presumes upon his own capacities (hoping to be able to save himself without help from on high), or he presumes upon God’s almighty power or his mercy (hoping to obtain his forgiveness without conversion and glory without merit)” (Catechism 2092). In both cases, presumption is a sin against hope, which acknowledges that one cannot fully respond to divine love by one’s own powers. The hopeful person must have both a confident trust in God’s mercy and an appropriate fear of offending him and incurring punishment (Catechism 2090).

⁵A pleasant voice multiplies friends and softens enemies,
and a gracious tongue multiplies courtesies.
⁶Let those that are at peace with you be many,
but let your advisers be one in a thousand.
⁷When you gain a friend, gain him through testing,
and do not trust him hastily.
⁸For there is a friend who is such at his own convenience,
but will not stand by you in your day of trouble.
⁹And there is a friend who changes into an enemy,
and will disclose a quarrel to your disgrace.
¹⁰And there is a friend who is a table companion,
but will not stand by you in your day of trouble.
¹¹In prosperity he will make himself your equal,
and be bold with your servants;
¹²but if you are brought low he will turn against you,
and will hide himself from your presence.
¹³Keep yourself far from your enemies,
and be on guard toward your friends.
¹⁴A faithful friend is a sturdy shelter:
he that has found one has found a treasure.
¹⁵There is nothing so precious as a faithful friend,
and no scales can measure his excellence.
¹⁶A faithful friend is an elixir of life;

and those who fear the Lord will find him.
¹⁷Whoever fears the Lord directs his friendship aright,
for as he is, so is his neighbor also.

OT: Pss 41:9; 55:12–13; Prov 17:17; 18:24; 19:4
NT: John 13:18; 15:13–15
Catechism: chaste friendship, 2347

[6:5–6]

Ben Sira begins the first of several discourses on friendship—a topic of great interest to him.Sir 9:10–16; 12:8–13:1; 19:13–17; 22:19–26; 27:16–21; 37:1–6. Good friendships are essential to a good life. One must therefore choose friends wisely, for not everyone who claims to be a friend is sincere. On the one hand, it is good to speak with a pleasant voice (literally, “a sweet throat”), kindly and gently to all. The affable, courteous person multiplies friends and, the Vulgate adds, softens enemies (in contrast to the “double-tongued sinner” who multiplies enemies, 6:1–4). A gracious tongue that speaks well of others (in contrast to the slanderer who lies in ambush with his tongue, 5:14) multiplies courtesies that others extend to him in return, or “multiplies those who wish you well” (Hebrew). It is good, therefore, to have many friendly acquaintances who are at peace with you. Yet the close advisers that you trust should be few—one in a thousand, says Ben Sira hyperbolically.

[6:7–8]

How should people choose their friends? Through testing, says Ben Sira. Just as Lady Wisdom tests the loyalty of her followers (4:17), so you should test the loyalty and worthiness of character of an acquaintance by considering how he (or she) acts in difficult or uncomfortable situations. Until then, you should not trust him hastily until he has demonstrated his trustworthiness (19:4). Ben Sira now warns against false friends. The “fair-weather friend” is friendly at his own convenience (literally, “in his time”) when he has something to gain from the friendship, but he disappears in your day of trouble, when you are in difficulty and he no longer benefits from your company (Prov 18:24).

[6:9–10]

Even worse is the case when a presumed friend becomes hostile and changes into an enemy (Pss 41:9; 55:12–13; John 13:18). True friends are able to vigorously disagree while still respecting each other and keeping the disagreement to themselves. A false friend, however, will turn to gossip and slander and disclose a quarrel to others, exposing you to disgrace. Friends typically enjoy eating and drinking together. The false friend will readily take advantage of hospitality offered to him and be a willing table companion, but again (echoing v. 8), will not stand by you in your day of trouble (see Prov 19:4).

[6:11–13]

Verses 11 and 12—forming an antithetic †parallelism—reveal the false friend’s duplicity. In good times, when you enjoy prosperity, he will make himself your equal (literally, “he will be as you”) and even make himself at home, being bold with your servants and ordering them around. In hard times, however, when you are brought low (Hebrew: “if evil overtakes you”) through illness, financial hardship, or some other adversity, the fair-weather friend will show no interest in sharing your afflictions and will hide himself from you. In other words, when life is good, he says, “What is yours, is mine,” but when life gets tough, “What is yours, is yours.” The theme of the righteous man abandoned by his friends in his hour of greatest need is common in Scripture (Job 19:19; Ps 41:9; Mark 14:50). Thus, one should approach all people with prudence and caution: while enemies should be avoided altogether, one should even be on guard toward friends until they have proven themselves trustworthy.

[6:14–15]

Following his warning against false friends, Ben Sira now praises the value of a true friend. A faithful friend is a sturdy shelter who protects those whom he or she loves from threats and harm. As much as the fair-weather friend is to be avoided, the loyal friend is to be cherished as a treasure—rare, precious, and immensely valuable—like wisdom (Prov 8:18). That no scales can measure his excellence means that his worth cannot be weighed: it is more than money can buy.

[6:16–17]

The faithful friend is also an elixir of life—that is, “life-saving medicine” (NRSV) or “a bundle of life” (Hebrew). The life-giving power of friendship alludes to the identity of wisdom as a “tree of life” (Prov 3:18) and implies that wisdom is found in good friendships, since both contribute to human well-being. We see another connection between friendship and wisdom in their correlation with the fear of the Lord: just as those who fear the Lord find wisdom (Sir 1:14), so those who fear the Lord will find a faithful friend. Both friendship and wisdom are gifts from God to those who fear him. Yet one who fears the Lord does not simply find faithful friends as a reward for his piety. The fear of the Lord also directs his friendship aright so that he pursues wisdom in friendships and learns how to be a loyal friend to others. He understands that as he is, so is his neighbor also. By loving his neighbor as himself (Lev 19:18; Matt 19:19), the one who fears the Lord establishes himself as a faithful friend.

Many young people today long for authentic friendship. Yet many have also been burned by false friends who may have taken advantage of them or did not have their best interests in mind. Like Ben Sira, the ancient Greek philosopher Aristotle valued friendship. He wrote that “without friends, no one would choose to live, though he had all other goods.”Aristotle, Nicomachean Ethics 8.1 (1155a), in The Works of Aristotle, vol. 9, ed. W. D. Ross (Oxford: Clarendon, 1925). Yet what is it that people love in friendship? Aristotle determined that people love what is useful, pleasant, or good in their friends. Accordingly, there are three types of friendships: friendship of utility, friendship of pleasure, and friendship of virtue. Friends of utility “love” their friends because they are useful. Friends of pleasure “love” their friends because it is enjoyable to be around them. Obviously, a person who loves his friends for the sake of utility or pleasure does not really love them; he “loves” them only insofar as they are useful or pleasant to himself. Such friendships are typically short-lived, for if one party ceases to be useful or pleasant, the other ceases to love him.Aristotle, Nicomachean Ethics 8.3 (1156a; Ross, Works of Aristotle). Aristotle’s friends of utility or pleasure look a lot like Ben Sira’s fair-weather friend.
On the other hand, friends who love each other for their own sake and not for any kind of gain are true friends. This is friendship for the good, or friendship of virtue. Such a friendship is rare but long-lasting and even permanent. As Prov 17:17 notes, “A friend loves at all times.” This means that while evil persons may be temporary “friends” of utility or pleasure (because they gain some mutual advantage), only good people can be true and lasting friends, because true friendship desires the true good of the other.
Rabbinic tradition expresses the same idea: “If love depends on some [transitory] thing, and the [transitory] thing passes away, the love passes away too; but if it does not depend on some [transitory] thing it will never pass away.”Mishnah, Avot 5:16 (Danby, Mishnah, 457).