This chapter has a different structure from the other team meetings we’ve had throughout the year, and its aim is to review the personal, couple and team journey in the light of what we’ve experienced. It’s a time to reflect, together and under God’s watchful eye, on the past year. It’s a kind of team meeting, a time for sharing and helping each other in a climate of prayer, truth and communion.

The important thing is to prepare for this meeting as a couple; together, at the end of the year, we take stock of what we’ve experienced, reflect on the strengths and weaknesses we should emphasize in the next theme, and prepare for the election of the new couple in charge. Another possible option is for this meeting to take place as part of a final Eucharist experienced as a team, and for the proposals to be adapted to the different parties.

As the core of this chapter, we suggest reading a few paragraphs by Father Henri Caffarel from the book, “Amour, qui es-tu?” (Love, who are you ?) 1971, which bring together some of the ideas we’ve been working on throughout this theme of study.

“Let a man and a woman seduce each other. Let each, every day, have the will to be loved by the other and, for them too, everything is changed. Each needs to “dress his heart” before any encounter. Above all, each needs the other, which is so important in love. But there are needs and there are needs: one is just selfish greed, another is humility of heart; it is this, of course, that matters most in love. Each of us discerns in the other the ‘unique’ being that ‘can only be seen with the heart’, and of this unique being we know and want to be responsible, because we are forever responsible for the being we once made ourselves love.“

“Love demands putting everything in common, the best and the worst, carrying each other’s burdens, living everything together. When we love each other, it’s not a question of taking some and leaving some, but of taking responsibility of each other, totally, accepting each other, giving each other what we are. Without, of course, giving up on helping each other to become what we should be.”

“Love is complicity. […] Each person’s self is linked to the other’s self. It’s much more than a pact: it’s a knot of two selves. And this link gives each person the security of knowing that, should they change not only physically but also morally, they will nevertheless remain loved by their partner, because they are loved not for this or that physical or moral quality, not for this or that action, but for their “self,” for what is unique in them, what remains through all changes and even in death. This knowledge, which lies at the foundation of love, is not acquired once and for all; it requires a daily conquest, on pain of quickly withering away.”

“To be present to the one you love is to reach out with your gaze to your deepest self. It means being intensely attentive. And through this attention, offering them the best of yourself. So much so that the loved one feels protected, guarded, safeguarded by this loving attention. They know that their temporal existence, but above all their innermost being, their spiritual destiny, is being taken care of. He then experiences a feeling that we must call ‘security’, but only if we give this word all its spiritual density”

1: Let’s take a moment to review our team life over the past year. In what ways has our way of giving ourselves to our spouse changed, in daily activities, in moments of intimacy, in the spiritual life; and of giving ourselves to others and to God?

2: We can comment on what these last texts by Father Henri Caffarel suggest to us about our conjugal love.

3: How, thanks to deep communion with our spouse, can we feel strengthened to undertake our family, social, professional, ecclesial commitments, our life wherever we find ourselves?

Two are better than one: They get a good wage for their toil.

If the one falls, the other will help the fallen one. But woe to the solitary person! If that one should fall, there is no other to help.

So also, if two sleep together, they keep each other warm. How can one alone keep warm?

Where one alone may be overcome, two together can resist. A three-ply cord is not easily broken.

Let’s try to present in a climate of prayer what this itinerary on married love has meant for each of us, for our couple, our family and our team.

The choice of the next responsible couple could also be made in this atmosphere of prayer.

• The current responsible couple can comment on how they have experienced their responsibility.

• The team can decide whether it expects any particular “animation” from the new couple in charge.

• Choosing the new responsible couple

We can end up praying together:

“Lord, we are gathered in your name. We are together with the person to whom we have been united by the sacrament of marriage. We are together with the married couples and members of our Team to be attentive to each other and to carry them along in our prayer. Lord, give us the grace to recognize what is essential for our life of faith, and open our hearts and minds so that our team becomes more and more a fraternal community at your service.” Amen.

1: How did we experience this year’s Endeavors (Concrete Points of Effort), especially the Sit Down?

2: How did the sharing go?

3: How were we listened to, respected, supported and encouraged? Have we all been able to share, to really communicate “in truth”?

4: How has the theme helped us to grow in our married life? What were the most enriching aspects of our time together as a couple?

5: Of everything we’ve been through this year:

• What should we pursue?

• What should we change?